we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
