I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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