Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
