no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
