Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
