I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
