you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
