just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
