You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think i peed on brittanys purse
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
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