Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
