Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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