i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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