she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
