Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
