nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
