There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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