She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
