Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
