Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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