Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
