Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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