I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
