Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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