I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
