thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
