I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
