I heard we made out
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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