Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
