Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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