Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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