You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
