I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
