when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
