the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
