i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
