I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
