you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
