Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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