I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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