She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
