I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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