Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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