I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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