Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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