You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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