I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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