Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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