i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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