i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
