yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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