S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
