i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
