The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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