I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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