i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
