I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
