felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Alive.
So much puke
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
