i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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