im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
