i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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