I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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